Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
