Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
