I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
