Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize