Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
