I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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