need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
