New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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