I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
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