thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
