you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
