$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
