I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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