i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
