The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
