I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
