There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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