It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
