I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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