Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
