Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize