this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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