I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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