I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
