Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
