it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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