I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
