I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
