Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
