I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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