I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
