anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
