Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
