So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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