I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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