just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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