Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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