I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
