Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
