he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Fuck appropriateness.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
