I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
