I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
