I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
