I cannot find my penis.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize