My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
