i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
