Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
