God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
