There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
