I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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