I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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