so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
