Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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