I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Randomize
