Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
