After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
