A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
