I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
