I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
