who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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