these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
