And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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