TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
