apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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