I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
"it" just moved
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
