I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
