just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
